


Talking to Shadows

by scatter



Category: Persona 4
Genre: Community: badbadbathhouse, Gen, Jealousy, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-04-15
Updated: 2011-04-15
Packaged: 2017-10-18 03:10:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,068
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/184351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scatter/pseuds/scatter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Souji's confronted by his jealousy of Saki in the TV world.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Talking to Shadows

**Author's Note:**

> Written for a [prompt](http://badbadbathhouse.livejournal.com/1488.html?thread=8091344#t8091344) at the Persona 4 Kink Meme: _I want Souji getting jealous over Yousuke's talk and frequent bringing up of Saki Konishi._

For someone Souji had only met once, he thought of Saki Konishi with surprising frequency.

It was no real surprise, not really. Although Mayumi Yamano had been the first victim, it was Saki's death that began the case for him and Yosuke, and the town was littered with reminders of her. He gained a thousand separate impressions that came together in his mind and formed an image of her, fractured and incomplete, drew them from Naoki's quiet musings, Yosuke's confusion and reminiscences, their brief meeting at the food court, and the echo of herself left in the TV world, her Shadow revealing secrets even after she was gone.

It was because of Saki he never lingered around the liquor store in the TV world. They had to go by it to get to Yukiko's castle, which they still returned to on occasion, but he always kept the group moving past it, barely sparing it a glance, though it loomed at the edge of his vision. The sight of it brought a change over Yosuke, one Souji didn't like at all, and Souji was…protective of Yosuke. He wanted to keep him happy, and take care of him, and kept an eye on him maybe more than he should have, might have behaved differently towards him. Favoritism was the word, Souji knew, and hated it. He shouldn't favor one friend over the other, shouldn't treat Yosuke's Shadow as though it was different than the others', shouldn't treat Yosuke as though he was so different, but it was and he was, and though Souji tried to change his behavior he slid back into old habits without thought or prompting.

It was okay to be a little selfish, he assured himself, and promised to try again later.

But he couldn't always avoid the store. The dungeons yielded new materials, new pieces of weapons and armors, and Souji ventured back once, twice, to find a pair of wrenches for Yosuke and an old sake bottle for a man near the river. The air in the store was thin and dusty, charged with ill feelings, and Souji hurried out each time to apologize to Yosuke for bringing him back.

"It's fine," Yosuke said, but his relief was visible as they moved away, and after the second time Souji told himself they wouldn’t come back. There was no reason to put them both through that.

So he wasn't quite sure why, several weeks later, he found himself in front of the store a third time.

"What's up?" Yosuke asked, his eyes fixed hard on Souji.

 _I don't know_ wasn't a good response so he said, "I want to see if I've missed anything Daidara can use."

Yosuke glanced at the storefront and looked away quickly, visibly composing himself. Seeing him uncomfortable made Souji uncomfortable. The others watched curiously, this part of Yosuke a mystery to them. "Do you think there's anything?"

"There might be." He thought about saying something else, couldn't come up with anything, and settled with, "I'll just be a minute, wait here."

He left them all outside – Yukiko and Chie, Yosuke and Teddie, Kanji and Rise – and stepped through the black-and-red portal alone, his skin prickling at the passage and all outside noise cut off as soon as he was on the other side. The air was still thin, still dusty, the lights weak and filling the room with a low hum as they continued to illuminate a store interior that would never see any customers.

He touched a few things, the cash register and the refrigerators and the sake barrels, but he knew he wouldn't find anything that Daidara would be able to turn into something useful. The store was different than other places in the TV, formed from the thoughts of someone who had since died, and completely devoid of the Shadows found everywhere else. He wondered why they left and where they went afterwards. Did they simply avoid an area once the person who had created it was gone or did they die off too?

It was a depressing thought, that even Shadows refused to come here. He turned a bottle over in his hands and thought about leaving. There was nothing here, just dead air and liquor, but…

"Yosuke can't stop thinking about you," he muttered, and like the words had unlocked something he saw what had led him here – Yosuke's head bowed at the floodplain as he cried, his body warm in Souji's arms, and the despair in his voice as he'd admitted Saki was gone. "But I… I want you gone, go away."

The words left a bad taste in his mouth and he wished he could snatch them out the air and tear them to pieces. Bad enough to think them, to feel jealous over someone whom Yosuke cared so deeply about and didn't deserve his ire, but worse to come here and say it.

"Isn't it enough that Hana-chan's following you around now?"

He froze. The bottle slipped from his hand and fell to the floor, shattering and sending liquid and glass over his shoes. The air chilled.

"Aren't you satisfied with that?" Saki's voice continued from somewhere behind him. "But if you're not, I guess that'd make sense. It'd be just like such a clueless guy to make a selfish friend."

"That's not fair," he whispered, eyes locked on the display in front of him. He thought he could make out the hint of movement on the glass, a pale reflection of a pale reflection that should have disappeared months ago.

 _Go away, go away…_

"Which part don’t you like, the one about you or the one about him?"

"Both."

"Too bad." He could hear the smile in her voice and remembered her at the food court, tired and worried but smiling nonetheless, forcing herself to act as though noting were wrong. He thought of having to see her with yellows eyes and a Shadow's smile and didn't turn around. "It's not nice to have to acknowledge the ugly parts of yourself, is it? You must have thought you were so lucky you'd never have to do it."

He sensed her moving, felt a pressure on his back like eyes staring at him or a knife waiting to stab, and heard a whisper of moment as her feet moved across the ground.

"That's not fair, seeing everyone else's secrets and never facing your own. Unless they're not really secrets. Do you know how wrong you are, thinking of Hana-chan the way you do? Hating me like you do?"

"I don't…" Souji took a deep breath to slow his racing heart. Saki didn't know him, she couldn't; she'd died too early. This, whatever was happening, shouldn't bother him. But it did.

"I wish he'd stop talking about her." Saki didn't have to speak above a whisper. Her voice curled around him, rooting him to the spot. "I wish he'd think about me and my feelings and who I like. I wish I'd gotten to him first. I wish she'd just disappear. Am I right?"

Souji closed his eyes.

"Some leader you are. Why should any of them listen to your advice when you can't figure yourself out? Why should Hana-chan listen to a thing you say when it's all designed to get him to like you?"

"It's not," he said, and wished he sounded more convincing. If she'd stop talking—

"At least I never did that. If he read something into what I said, at least I never led him on or tried to manipulate him." There was a rustle as she rearranged something, idly or getting ready to attack him. He didn't know and couldn't make himself look. "It must have been nice, holding him for once. When you brought him here before, it wasn't the same but it was good too, right? The way he wanted to talk to you afterwards, how he wanted you to reassure him and comfort him. And there you were, so ready to help him, so ready to be nice and let him confide in you. Once you leave here, he'll want you again, you know. He's been waiting outside for so long and he'll be thinking of what happened here, and he'll want to lean on you and you'll like it. You don't feel anything for me but you'll bring me up if it gets him to turn to you, and not even someone as thick as Hana-chan deserves—"

"Stop… Don't call him that." He got jealous, couldn't help it, and didn't try to fight it because jealously was easy and better than the anxiety her words brought on. Hana-chan was Saki's word, had her name written all over it. He could never reclaim it and he'd tried once, foolishly, teasing Yosuke and letting the nickname slip out, hoping it'd be okay. The look on Yosuke's face had destroyed that and reminded him of what stood between them, what had brought them together, but that had been weeks ago, they'd got closer now, they'd grown, and she wasn't supposed to be here anymore, not like this.

 _Hana-chan_ might have been Saki's, might always be hers, but…

"He's not Hana-chan anymore," he said, raising his voice because he knew it was true, clinging to it to shut up his thoughts. "He's not that person."

"Then who is he now?"

"He's my partner." The air left him in a rush as though fingers were gripping his heart. "He's…."

 _He's mine now, go away, let me have him, just_ leave…

"It's not that easy," she said, and her voice was right in his ear. His whole body tingled as if she were about to touch him. "But wouldn't it be nice if it were? He'll never forget me, and neither will you."

"I don't want him to, I just want…" Yosuke, completely; for the case to be over; for Saki to not have died and painted so much of the town in melancholy colors; for Saki to be gone, absolutely gone; to not feel like this or want this.

"Are you glad," she asked quietly, "that I died?"

"I'm sorry," he said because he couldn't say yes or no and mean either of them.

"Isn't the truth horrible?" She withdrew. The air warmed, just barely, and when he opened his eyes and turned, she was gone, but his breath didn't come any easier. He pressed his forehead against the glass, finding some relief in its cool, slick surface, and covered his face. He wasn't sure how long he stayed like that.

"What's the hold—hey, what's wrong?"

A barrel clattered to the ground as Yosuke knocked it over in his haste to reach him. Souji straightened up, feeling too hot and unreasonably weak.

"Nothing," he said. "Sorry for making you wait."

"Don't give me that, you look sick," Yosuke said. He had his knives out and tightened his grip on them. "Come on, tell me what happened."

"I was just thinking." When Yosuke's expression didn't change, he added, "There's something about this place… I don't like it, it makes me feel weird."

"Yeah," Yosuke said. "I know what you mean. Let's get out of here, have Yukiko take a look at you."

Souji examined the room as they started to leave, slowing to take in the details. The lack of details – there was no dust out of place, nothing that he or Yosuke hadn’t raised themselves, no disturbance of anything on the counter that would have made the noises he'd heard earlier. Not a single thing out of place.

Even Shadows had a physical presence.

"You're seriously worrying me, partner." Yosuke followed his gaze to the torn picture on the counter, the one of him and Saki and their co-workers, and frowned. "Oh, that."

"Let's go." Souji grabbed his hand. "I don't want to be in here anymore."

"Me neither."

Souji let Yukiko check him out and dodged the questions of what had happened. He was just tired, he said, and tried to ignore Yosuke's suspicious, searching look. He stuck closer to Yosuke than usual as he led them away from the liquor store, their arms occasionally touching, each brush grounding him – this was real, Yosuke at his side and his friends around him.

There was nothing to be afraid of, he told himself, but he didn't look back, not even when the store was hidden from sight.


End file.
